


To Hurt Her Like She Hurt Me

by urwelcome_forthis



Series: Never a straight line [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-10 10:15:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20526359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urwelcome_forthis/pseuds/urwelcome_forthis
Summary: When her brother revealed Supergirl's identity, Lena tunneled down into herself wearing her indifference and anger as an armor against the unrelenting pain of betrayal. When Kara confessed her feelings, she unleashed that anger with cold calculation, hoping to wound Kara as greatly as Kara had wounded her. She accomplished her task, breaking them both in the process.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Coming back to writing after several years with this story. No beta, so please excuse any errors. I think this story should stay around 7 chapters, with possible sequels, but don't hold me to that.

She fucked it up. 

She knew she had, the second she laughed at Kara with cold indifference. The sound that came from her lips snaked up to her ears, and she would have blanched if she wasn’t so, so, so pissed. 

She knew she was actively fucking up everything she had ever wanted, leaving Kara wounded and heartbroken, but she had hit that self-destruct button that lived inside her the moment Lex had told her things she should have heard from the lips of the woman standing in front of her. 

Kara’s “I love you” echoed through her mind, each word reverberating with her stuttered heartbeat, pulsing in her ears. She wasn’t even aware of the words she said in response, they came automatically, a result of the anger she had been holding onto for months. The anger that she had been clinging to, ever since she had shot Lex and he had managed to kill a part of her with his dying breath. 

“Well, that’s nice for you, I suppose.” She said, her voice cold and far away to her own ears. 

She watched as the tears in Kara’s eyes welled over, mascara smudging and pooling at the bottoms of the frames of her glasses, collecting there. 

She watched as despite those pooled tears, Kara refused to take off those damning glasses.

“Lena. I – it’s ok if you don’t feel the same way. I must have misread….. it doesn’t matter.” Kara stuttered, pushing up her frames slightly, wiping those pooled tears with the edges of her fingertips. 

Lena scoffed, the sound foreign in her own ears. 

“Yes. You must have.” She turned and walked over to the wall, where her drink cart sat. Pouring herself four fingers of whiskey, she paused, looking over her shoulder. 

“I think it might be prudent if we don’t see each other for a while. Maybe give you some time to think a bit more realistically about who you should love, and who realistically could love you back.” She turned her head back over her shoulder, tears biting at her eyes as the harsh words she didn’t mean left her lips. 

Taking a deep drink she bared her teeth as the whiskey scorched down the back of her throat. She listened as Kara softly cried, trying to control her breath. 

As she stood there, facing the wall, she heard a deep stuttering breath. Turning around, she raised her eyebrow, staring at Kara as she obviously steeled herself to say something. 

Lena tried to lash her anger, tightening her grip around the crystal high ball glass in her fingers, until the tips of her fingers hurt.  
She didn’t mean to hurt Kara, she didn’t mean to be so cruel. But Kara had hurt her. 

If she strained her eyes hard enough she wondered if she could make out the “S” she knew sat underneath Kara’s pale blue button up shirt. 

(She couldn’t. But knowing it was there made it so, so much worse.) 

She kept her mouth closed, running her tongue over her teeth as Kara took one more deep breath. 

“I guess I’ll leave then. I’m sorry, Lena, for whatever it is that I did. I’ll be sure to stay out of your way for a while.” Kara’s eyes left Lena’s face, the heartbreak evident, as they focused on the floor instead. 

Somewhere deep inside, beneath all that anger and pain, Lena’s better judgement was screaming at her to stop what she was doing, to stop breaking Kara’s heart. 

But Kara had broken hers first. 

“Please be sure that you do.” Was all she said, not moving her gaze from Kara, eyebrow cocked. 

Kara’s shoulders sagged as she turned to stumble out of the office. 

Lena drained the rest of her drink, grabbing the bottle off her cart and sinking to the floor. “Well”, she thought,” I wanted to hurt her, and I definitely did.” 

It wasn’t shocking that instead of making her feel better, all she had done was rip that chasm inside her chest wide open, filling it with more hurt. She had begun to welcome that feeling, that pain. She had started to crave it like her own personal brand of heroin. Addicted to the emptiness. What’s worse, she had spread it, to the person in her life who had made her feel the most she had ever had, no matter the emotion. She had spread her sickness. 

~~~~

Her head was pounding the next day as she sat through a conference call. She nursed her coffee, hands curled around the warm cup. She barely listened as the men on the other lines talked over one another, arguing about something to do with the international stock markets. Her eyes were locked on the spot Kara had stood the night before as she had poured out her heart. 

She barely registered when the conference call ended, hastily saying her goodbyes. She took a sip of her coffee, frowning as it hit her tongue cold and unwanted. She ripped her eyes off the spot where she had watched Kara cry and hunch her shoulders, finally defeated by the last Luthor left out in the world. 

She snapped out of her reverie when she heard her cell phone buzzing in the desk drawer to the right. Her heart jolted as she yanked the drawer open, disappointment settling in her heart when the name on the screen didn’t read “Kara Danvers.” Hesitating for a moment, she cleared her throat before finally pushing her thumb to the green button on the screen.  
“Alex.” Not a greeting, not a hello, but resignation to what she was sure wasn’t a friendly phone call. 

“Lena. What the hell happened?” Alex sounded angry, but there was a tinge of sadness to her voice as well. Not for her, but for her sister, who Lena had hurt so badly. 

“Nothing that shouldn’t have happened earlier.” She clicked her tongue, forcing her voice back into that cold emptiness she had affected the previous night. 

“Well that’s vague as fuck. What happened Lena? She’s not leaving her apartment. She missed… work this morning. I need to know what happened in case-“ Alex’s voice was edging on frantic as Lena cut her off. 

“She’s not sick with anything, Alex. A little heartbroken maybe, but as I said before, nothing happened that shouldn’t have happened before.” Lena bit back a deep sigh, stamping down her humanity to get through this conversation and sever yet another friendship. 

“Heartbroken.” Alex repeated quietly. Lena sat in silence, not deigning to repeat herself for a third time. “She told you how she felt, and you what? Turned her down? This isn’t a normal reaction to a normal broken heart Luthor. What did you say to her?” The switch to her surname from Alex’s lips told Lena this phone call needed to end, the sooner the better. 

“Alex, I have a meeting to prepare for. What I said to Kara is frankly none of your fucking business.” She didn’t wait to hear for the reply, pulling the phone from her ear and ending the call. 

Slamming down her cell phone onto the desk, she stood up from her chair so fast her vision spotted with black dots. Her office suddenly felt too hot, and too small all at once. She had to get out, even if just for a moment. Grabbing her purse she slipped out of the office. 

“Jess, I’m heading out for a little bit. I’ll be back before my two o’clock meeting.” Her assistant nodded, confusion in her eyes, but not questioning her boss’s mood. 

Lena slipped into the elevator, sighing as her back hit the cool metal behind her. She wasn’t sure where she was going to go, all she knew was that she had to leave the office where she had hurt Kara so definitively. 

“At least I had the guts to hurt her to her face, not hide behind secrets and lies for years” she thought to herself as the elevator ticked towards the ground. She shook her head, not wanting to think any more about it and set out through the lobby into the sun of National City. 

She took off in a random direction, not caring where she walked. As she ambled down the sidewalk she let herself feel the tears pricking her eyes. She would give herself these few hours to get a grip, to mourn whatever she and Kara could have been, (or had already been), and then she would get the fuck over it. She would bury it so deep and so thoroughly and numb herself to it until it didn’t hurt anymore.  
It had been an hour of walking, the top of her toes beginning to blister in her pinched heels, when the sound of a car alarm jarred her out of her mindlessness. 

She was…. far from LCorp, she realized with a jolt. She was somewhere she should not have been, not with her Cartier watch or Louboutin heels, or the expensive jewelry she wore when she needed to feel protected behind her own brand of armor. She clutched her purse tighter to her side, and began to turn around. 

When she did so, she was met with the sight of two men stalking towards her. Sighing she began to steel herself to hand over her things. They were just things, and she had honestly brought this upon herself. 

She had spent so much time watching the two men prowling towards her that she hadn’t noticed the man walking up behind her until the barrel of his gun was nestled against her lower spine. 

Her breath caught in her lungs, her heartbeat stuttering as she wondered if this was somehow, hilariously given all the other attempts on her life, the way she was going to die. A victim of her own self-flagellation, body robbed and slumped in an alley. 

She should have known better. If the tell-tale sound of the swishing cape hadn’t tipped her off, the sudden disappearance of the gun in her back and the men in front of her would have told her. 

Collecting her breath she turned and looked the few feet away that her rescuer stood. 

Supergirl stood there, staring at her. If Lena hadn’t known it was Kara before, she was sure she would have figured it out now. Kara’s eyes were bloodshot, rimmed with red, under her eyes had a tint of purple that she had never seen on the other woman (alien) before. The most telling part was how Kara struggled to meet Lena’s eyes, taking a deep breath obviously trying and failing to summon that bravado she usually wore so well. 

When Kara continued to stay silent, Lena finally met her eyes. They stood locked on each other for a long time, the tension crackling. Finally, when Lena felt her chest begin to break open from the inside out, she ripped her eyes from Kara’s, turning her back on the Kryptonian. The only sound between them then was the sound of Lena’s heels clicking their way down the alley. She didn’t hear Kara take off, and she knew if she turned around she would still be standing in the same spot she had been since she had rescued Lena. 

“Maybe if I turn around, it will fix things. Maybe I could turn around and say her name, and she would know I know. Maybe there’s still a chance.” Her thoughts echoed in her brain as loud as the clacking of her heels off the walls surrounding her. 

She didn’t turn around. 

~~~

Kara landed at the DEO, more tired than she had ever been in her entire life. The image of Lena’s eyes, hardened and cold boring into her before she made her way down that alley was tattooed in her memory. Hiding her shaking hands she made her way towards Alex. 

“Well? Is she ok?” Alex asked, a tentative hand reaching out to touch Kara’s shoulder. 

Kara was quiet for a beat before meeting Alex’s eyes. “She knows Alex.” 

“Knows what, Kara?” Alex asked, brow furrowed. 

“She knows.” Kara said again, words full of obvious meaning. 

“Well, fuck.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the response the first chapter received. Not all updates will happen so quickly (I'm in grad school, my time is not my own unfortunately), but I wanted to get this one up quickly to say thanks for the warm welcome!

2 months later. 

~~~~~~~~

Lena sat in her office chair staring at the bumbling reporter across from her. The man was nervous, palms sweating as he wiped them off on the thighs of his pants, before fumbling with the tape recorder he had brought with him.

“I apologize Ms. Luthor. Ms. Danvers didn’t give me many notes before giving up the LCorp beat. If you could walk me through the product being launched it would be helpful for my article.” 

Lena ignored the little flare of pain she felt at Kara’s name, before clicking her tongue. She eyed the tape recorder with disdain before reaching over and clicking it off. The reporter in front of her shifted nervously. 

“Did you get the packet I sent down to your office, Mr. Morris? It contains all of this information.” She watched the man’s cheeks redden, and felt a pang of nostalgia for the reporter that used to sit across from her. 

“I – I didn’t’ know you had sent it, Ms. Luthor. I’m sorry. This was given to me fairly abruptly.” He stuttered, nervous as he sat in front of her. 

“It’s quite alright Mr. Morris. I think it would beneficial to us both, if we perhaps rescheduled this interview and you went through those materials. That way we can spend our time more productively. Just speak to my assistant on your way out and we will reschedule for later on in the week.” She worked to keep her voice kind. It was not this man’s fault that this beat had been thrust upon him.

Really, it was her fault that Kara couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as her anymore. It had been 2 months since she was saved by Supergirl in that alley. 2 months since she had spoken to, and broken Kara’s heart (and her own). 

2 long months of lonely dinners, and lunches, and solitary drunk nights staring at the wall in the apartment. 

2 months of dealing with Alex or J’onn fucking J’onzz whenever there was a threat on her life or against LCorp. She hadn’t so much as seen that damn “S” carved on Kara’s chest as it saved her from her impending doom. No, instead she was being saved by the Martian Manhunter and the sister of the woman she was desperate to see just one more time. 

It was her own damn fault. It was Kara’s too, even if she didn’t know it. 

Sighing, she rubbed her eyes. She was beginning to feel the pangs of hunger set into her temples, kick starting a headache she didn’t have time for. She could have food delivered, but she could use the fresh air she’d get walking down to the little Italian place a few blocks away too.  
A few minutes later she was making her way towards the restaurant, taking in the fresh sunny air. The sounds of the city were buzzing her ears as she pulled open the heavy door to the restaurant. 

Walking up to the hostess stand, she patiently waited to place a to go order, clicking her nails against the scratched wood. It was then she heard the laugh she had been trying in vain to push out of her thoughts for the past 2 months. 

She edged away from the stand, gazing out into the dining room of the restaurant. Kara’s back was to her, but it was undeniably her. Across from her was a truly stunning woman with red hair, smiling at Kara like she held the sun in her hands. 

Lena’s mouth went completely dry, her mind blank. Kara was on a date, with another woman. A beautiful woman. It had been 2 months and Kara had moved on without her, while Lena spent her nights painfully aware of how alone she was. 

What. The. Fuck. 

Her mouth had dropped open and she was unabashedly staring when Kara turned and looked over her shoulder. When she caught Kara’s eyes, she could feel her stomach drop out of her body. For the first time ever, Kara’s eyes didn’t light up when they met Lena’s. They remained cold and detached. What felt like hours was likely seconds, Kara was staring at her one moment before she closed her eyes and turned back to her date. 

Lena staggered back slightly, grasping the wood paneling of the doorway. She left before she even had a chance to order her food, and before she knew it she was standing in the elevator of her apartment building, on her way to her penthouse. 

Once inside she quickly texted Jess, asking her to cancel all her appointments for the day.

Then, she grabbed the closest bottle of liquor she could find, and stationed herself on the couch against the wall. 

~~~~~~~~~

The next morning her teeth felt fuzzy no matter how much she brushed them. That’s what she had been doing in the bathroom attached to her office when she was interrupted by Jess. 

“What is it Jess?” She grumbled as she dabbed her mouth with a towel. 

“Well, it’s – Ms. Danvers is here to see you Ms. Luthor.” Jess, not usually one to be nervous, could obviously tell something had happened between the two, and was unsure about whether or not Kara should be let in. 

Lena wasn’t too sure either. Her stomach tightened and she felt the stabbing of another headache come roaring to the surface. Looking at herself in the mirror, she brought the tip of her pinky to the corner of her lip, wiping away where some of her lipstick had smeared out of place while she was brushing her teeth. Pulling her shoulders back she turned to Jess.

“Well, send her in then.” 

She walked as calmly as she could over to her desk and Jess hurried from the office. As she was sitting at her chair, Kara walked in, softly shutting the door behind her. 

Once the door clicked shut, Kara turned but didn’t move from the threshold of the room. Lena simply stared at her. The last time Kara had been in this office had been memorable, to say the least. When Kara’s eyes quickly darted over to the spot she had last stood, Lena knew they were both thinking about that night 2 months ago. She watched Kara swallow, jaw clenching before her eyes returned to her own. 

“We need to talk, Lena.” Kara’s voice wasn’t her own – it was her Supergirl voice, Lena realized. Well, if Kara was putting up a strong front so could she. 

“About what, exactly Ms. Danvers?” Lena practically spat out. Kara flinched at how impersonal the use of her last name was, but took a step forward anyways.

“Why don’t you hazard a guess, Ms. Luthor.” Good, Lena thought. Kara was angry too. At least she wouldn’t have to be the bad guy this time. 

Smirking, Lena began to examine her nail beds, rolling her eyes as she spoke. 

“Well, there’s just so much you could be referring it, but sure let’s talk. First I think you should do me the favor of cutting the bullshit about your secret identify and take off those glasses we both know you don’t need. Then we can move onto that little redhead you’re obviously fucking.” Lena’s voice was venomous but Kara didn’t so much as blink at the revelation Lena knew she was Supergirl. 

Lena’s eyes flickered to the fists clenching at Kara’s side. She watched as one of those fists unfurled and moved to take her glasses off. Lena scoffed but remained silent. 

“You didn’t want me, if I remember correctly.” Kara replied in a cool, clipped tone. “So why should you care about who I am, or am not fucking?” The word packed more of a punch when Kara said it. 

“Sure Kara. This is all my fault, singularly. Everything that’s happened. You go right ahead and blame me, if it makes it easier on you while you run around lying to everyone about who you really are.” Lena tried to keep her voice as calm as Kara’s had been, but she failed, practically vibrating in her seat with anger. 

“I’ve never blamed you, for anything Lena.” For a moment, Kara Danvers’s nervous, rambling voice slipped into Supergirl’s mouth. Lena could feel her heart skip a beat but she slammed the doors she mentally kept around that organ shut as quickly as she could.  
“No? Well, that’s rich coming from you. You must have blamed me for something. My family’s sins perhaps. That or you just enjoyed laughing at me behind my back. I haven’t quite figured out why you didn’t tell me. It took me killing my brother to find out finally. You played me for quite the fool.” Lena’s voice lowered almost to a whisper. For the first time in months she saw a flicker in Kara’s eyes – but it wasn’t of warmth. It was of anger. 

She wondered what would happen if she pushed Kara to lose control. 

“I wanted to tell you. A thousand different times, in a thousand different ways.” Kara’s bravado broke for a moment, as she said something Lena had hoped to hear months ago. 

“Yeah? Well, I’d say that’s easy to say, now that I know. Coulda, woulda, shoulda.” Lena scoffed, turning her chair to look out the windows of the office, unwilling and unable to face Kara a moment longer. 

“Nothing about this is easy Lena.” Kara’s voice was smaller now that she wasn’t forced to look Lena in the eye. Lena felt a pang in her heart for a moment at that small sounding voice coming from behind her. 

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she tried to once again shove her feelings down where they belonged. 

“What about that redhead? She looked rather easy, based on the glance I got of the two of you yesterday.” Based on the quick intake of breath she heard come from Kara, she knew she had hit a nerve. A moment after that breath she heard a crashing sound, and whipped her chair around in time to watch Kara pull her hand out of the wall she had accidentally smashed it into. 

“Why the hell does it matter Lena? I told you how I felt and you were cruel. Was it because you know who I am? Or was it because that’s just how you are? I was planning on telling you everything, you know. I had this whole plan, to tell you that night, and before I could you laughed at me. You basically told me I wasn’t worth you. So yeah, I’m trying to move on with my life but guess what? It’s not fucking working. I can’t get you out of my mind, like some kind of virus planted there, with no cure.” Kara was yelling now, her eyes glowing slightly red. She was breathing heavily once she finished speaking, shaking the plaster off her fist, and closing her eyes tightly. 

Lena could shift the course of this conversation so, so easily. She wondered what it said about her that she didn’t. 

“Ah. So I’m just some more baggage for you to carry around, as part of your superhero sob story, is that right?” Lena’s eyes flashed at Kara. “Don’t you dare put that one me. You had years Kara. Years to tell me the truth about who you are and what you felt. But you’re a coward.” 

Lena was standing now, hands planted on her desk, and she and Kara seethed at each other. Kara took a step towards her, and she felt her heart begin to beat rapidly. She licked her lips, eyes darting from Kara’s face to her lips. It would be so, so easy, to have Kara unleash that rage, to goad her into the thing Lena had been wondering about for years now. Kara seemed to sense it too, as she took another carefully powerful step towards Lena. 

And then she stopped. For a moment she shook herself, her head trained towards the windows. 

“Sirens.” She said quietly. 

Lena laughed that same cold and bitter laugh she had all those weeks ago. 

“Go. At least I’ll never have to hear whatever bullshit excuse you would have used on me before I knew.” She watched as Kara moved towards her balcony, opening her shirt to reveal the crest on her suit. She stopped for a moment to look at Lena, eyes questioning. 

“Don’t bother coming back here Kara. Whatever this was, it’s done now.” Lena refused to look at her as the words left her mouth, and a moment later, Kara was gone, leaving her with an open balcony door and a raging heart. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night, Lena sat on the couch in her penthouse, drinking glass after glass of red wine. When she couldn’t stand the silence any longer she flipped on the TV hoping to find something mindless. Before she had a chance to change it from the last channel it had been set too, the words across the screen took the air out of her lungs. 

**Supergirl critically injured in fight. **

She watched the words flash as the news replayed footage of Kara hitting the ground in a huge crater before an alien jumped on her. Kara tried to get up, but it looked as though she had no strength left. Instead, the alien hit her over, and over, blood spewing from Supergirl’s nose. Kara’s eyes were closed, her body lifeless, the footage cutting to a scene of Alex running full throttle towards her sister’s limp and broken body once J’onn had taken care of the alien. 

The image of Alex Danvers, tears flowing freely down her face, lifting her little sisters unresponsive body in her arms stayed fixed on the screen, and Lena felt the wine glass slip through her fingers, glass shattering on the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It turns out this is more fun than reading for school. Who would have thought! That's the reason for the back to back postings. Please be sure to read the note at the end of this chapter, if you feel so inclined.

Lena sat on the couch, her socks soaked with red wine for a single minute, maybe less. Then, without thinking she was up, changing into sturdy shoes and grabbing her car keys. She considered calling Alex but decided to go straight to the place she knew Kara would be instead. 

That’s how she ended up where she was now, at the DEO, standing face to face with a scared and furious looking Alex Danvers. 

“Lena. What do you want?” Alex’s tone was lifeless, lethal. Lena took in a large gulp of air. 

“You know exactly why I’m here, Alex.” She felt her voice waver, a small crack showing in her armor. 

Alex watched her for a long moment, finally dropping her shoulders. 

“Fine.” Lena watched as Alex turned and walked down a corridor to her right, before following behind. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they arrived at what looked like a hospital room designed specifically for Kara, Lena’s heart stopped in her chest. 

Kara looked bad. She was covered in cuts and wounds, bruises and what looked like broken bones. Her eyes were already turning the color of purple and black, her nose swollen and out of place. There were tubes coming out of too many places on her body, a mask on her mouth to help her breathe. Her hair was a dull blonde, blood dried in it in patches, laying limp across the pillow she had been laid down on. Her swollen eyes were shut, her body lifeless and pale. 

Lena felt sick to her stomach. Kara was supposed to be invincible. She had defeated aliens time and time again. But now, it looked as though she was dying. 

“The sun lamps aren’t helping as fast as they usually do. She – she blew her powers out over a fight that didn’t matter enough for her to do that. When that happens she’s basically powerless.” Standing next to her Alex choked out the words, answering Lena’s unasked question. 

Lena watched with bated breath as Alex stared teary eyed at her incapacitated sister. 

“She was too reckless. It was almost like she wanted this to happen. She let him win.” 

Alex’s words slammed into Lena’s chest. She had done this to Kara. She had pushed and pushed until Kara was left with no hope. 

She vomited in the nearest trash can she could find. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_4 days later_

Lena sat in her office, useless for the fourth day in a row. She jumped every time the phone rang, hoping it was news from Alex, or anyone at the DEO. Five days ago she had told Kara to never come back, and Kara it seemed had gone out of her way to ensure she never could. Lena was in agony, a hell of her own making. 

She was considering pouring herself a drink, the reality that it was 10 A.M. be damned, when her cell phone rang, Alex’s name prominent on the screen. She yanked it up, answering as quickly as she could. 

“Alex.” She breathed, heart clenching as she hoped for good news. 

“Lena. She’s still not awake. We don’t know what’s going on at this point. Her body is healed, but she just won’t wake up. We’ve run all kinds of tests, and there’s nothing infecting her. We don’t know when she’s going to wake up at this point.” Alex’s voice was hollow as she told Lena Kara’s status, tears cried out until she sounded as numb as Lena felt. 

“I’m on my way.” Lena told Alex, hanging up before she could tell her no. 

~~~~~~~~

Once again inside the DEO, Lena was led to the room Kara was still laid up in. Her bruises had faded away, her cuts and wounds had vanished, but if Lena closed her eyes she could still see them, still see how utterly human and breakable Kara had looked the last time she had been here. 

Maybe knowing was worse. Before, she would have been worried about Supergirl of course, but she wouldn’t have been knocking down the doors of a secret government agency demanding to see where she lay. She wouldn’t have seen the wounded body of Kara Danvers when she let her mind wander during a long conference call or when she was eating dinner, alone, at night.

She definitely wouldn’t have found herself, sitting at the bedside of an unconscious Supergirl, under lamps meant to emulate the Earth’s sun, staring so hard at her closed eyes and even breaths, wondering what was going on in the alien’s mind. 

Kara was essentially in a coma. Alex had said she was ok physically, healed up after the sun lamps worked on her day in and day out. If it wasn’t for the monitors beeping around them she could just be sleeping, peacefully, unaware that Lena was burning a hole into her with the intensity of her stare. 

After a long while of sitting and watching Kara, Lena sighed quietly, but deeply. 

Running a hand through her hair she clicked her tongue, looking at the heart monitor as it steadily emitted the sounds that let her know Kara was alive. 

“You know, I don’t really know why I’m here Kara. I also don’t really know why you would be so reckless in a fight, because that’s what Alex says happened. You were reckless and stupid and blew out your powers and now it’s been days and the world is without it’s savior. Alex is without her sister. I’m without…….” She stopped, clearing her throat. She wasn’t without anything really, not after everything she had said. Her last words to Kara had been to leave her alone, that they were done. Irrevocably. 

“I’m sure there have been a good deal of people sitting in this chair, grieving, begging you to wake up. Maybe I should be one of those people, now, especially given how we left things. But I’m still so fucking mad at you Kara… Supergirl, whoever you are right now.” She heaved up out of the chair, and began pacing the room, unable to sit still any longer. 

“Not for telling me you love me, and not for lying to me for years about who you are. I mean I am mad about that second thing, because not only did you not tell me, you carried on multiple friendships with me, and I was completely unaware the entire fucking time. It was unfair, what you did, no matter how good your reasons. But that’s not why I’m angry at you right now.” She stopped pacing, pinching the bridge of her nose and shutting her eyes tight. 

She had spent so much of her life mad. Mad at her parents for being their shitty manipulative selves, mad at Lex for turning into the world’s biggest asshole, mad at everyone who lumped her in with him and her mother because of a name. Mad at herself for feeling like she sometimes proved them all right. 

She threw herself back down into the chair, weary to her bones. 

“No, now I’m mad at you because it seems, to an outsider such as myself, that you and I had what I’ll admit was an acidic and nasty confrontation, or falling out, and then you gave up in the middle of a fight. You jumped off my balcony and blew your powers out and it feels like you did it on purpose. How dare you make me live with that Kara Danvers.” Her voice had lowered to a lethal whisper as she finally said what she had been thinking the past days. 

No one knew, of course what had precipitated Kara’s recklessness. She was sure if Alex knew she wouldn’t be allowed five thousand feet within Kara. Hell, she’d probably be in cell somewhere.

No, this knowledge was for Lena and Lena alone. The hole in the wall of her office where Kara had put her fist stood as an open and gaping reminder. 

“After everything else…. Just, how dare you.” She could hear her voice, the thickness of it as she finally stopped speaking. She hadn’t voiced it, but the unspoken truth, that she didn’t think she could actually live with this if Kara never woke up, hung in the air. She was utterly alone. She had never felt that more acutely than in the past few weeks. 

She pulled the long sleeves on her shirt down with her fingers, wrapping the tip of her thumb in the fabric as she brought it up to dab the corners of her eyes where tears that hadn’t fully formed had gathered. 

She didn’t speak again, as she sat in the room. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed as she finally let herself feel in a way she hadn’t in months. Alone. Afraid. Angry. Devastatingly sad. Betrayed. Hurt. 

Her chest felt like it was burning, like if she could reach inside, and yank out her heart, it would finally, blessedly relieve herself of the pain. Her thoughts flickered to the cabinet she kept at home of cheap, burning vodka and whiskey, her second best option. 

She was finally gathering the energy to gather herself up and head straight to that exact cabinet when the monitor tracking Kara’s heart began to beep erratically. 

Eyes wide, she sat forward, lifting her hands off her lap. When Kara’s eyes fluttered open, she yanked those hands back like they had been burned. It took a moment but Kara’s eyes found her, strikingly blue and aware. 

Lena half sat, half stood in the chair before finally bringing herself into a standing position, eyes never leaving Kara’s. They stayed like that for a long moment, before Lena finally tore her eyes away, and strode towards the door. 

With one last look over her shoulder, she saw how Kara had sat up on her elbows in her hospital bed, eyes still on her back. She took a deep breath and opened the door. 

“She’s awake.” She said to whoever was listening as she walked by the main room where agents were rushing around. She didn’t turn towards where Alex was standing as she walked purposefully towards the exit of the DEO.

She left the building through its unsuspicious doors and made her way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. Thanks for reading! I should tell you all I’m very new to this fandom and this show. I binged the entire thing in a few weeks before school started back up, and this story kind of grew in my head until I couldn’t ignore it any longer. 
> 
> It’s not particularly canon compliant in some ways – James and Lena were never a thing in my head in this world I’m writing in, and neither were Kara and Mon-El – and other ways I’m sure you’ve noticed.
> 
> Also since I watched it in such a fevered way, I hope you can all forgive any dramatic licenses I may take or any technical errors there are. I’m just fascinated by these two women, what their mindset would be in these situations, and am fervently hoping the next season finds a way to bring them back together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Butterflies by Gabbie Hanna is a good song to pair with this story, I think. 
> 
> Also, my long weekend ends tomorrow, so it may be a few days in between this (double) update and the next one. I’m not really one for spacing out updates obviously.

Three days had passed since Kara had woken up. Three excruciating long days where Lena jumped every time she heard someone behind her. Three days of near constant vigilance with the news, be it on the TV in her office, at home, or on the Twitter feed from the app on her phone. There still hadn’t been any sign of Supergirl, but Alex hadn’t called with any emergency so Lena figured it was just that things were back to “normal” between her and Kara. 

A new, shitty normal. 

It was late in the afternoon on that third day, when Lena’s stomach grumbled. Her self-care had admittedly plummeted in the last few months. She barely ate lunch anymore, preferring to work as much and as long as she could, before scarfing down whatever she got her hands around on the way home, before tucking into whatever bottle she first grabbed. 

As a means of ‘dealing’ with things it wasn’t great, but she figured as long as it didn’t affect her company no one would ever really care. The people who had cared were all Kara’s people to begin with. 

She rolled back her chair from her desk, flexing her hands that had been vigorously typing for a few hours almost non-stop. She slowly moved her neck around in circles, hearing the various pops and feeling the stretch. She was contemplating ordering food to the office when her intercom went off, jerking her from her quiet contemplation. 

“Ms. Luthor? Agent Danvers is here to see you ma’am.” Jess’s voice rang out from the phone, waiting for permission to let Alex in. Lena’s heart picked up, wondering if it was an emergency. 

No, she would have called if it was an emergency. This was something different. 

“Let her in Jess.” Lena was quiet in her answer, leaning back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest as she waited for the door to swing open. 

Alex prowled in, the jacket on her pantsuit hiding the gun Lena knew she carried. Without sparing a glance towards Lena she headed straight for the drink cart in the corner, pouring herself a full glass of scotch from the crystal decanter. 

Lena’s eyebrows raised as she watched Alex slam the entire drink back, bringing the back of her hand up to wipe her mouth before pouring another. She finally turned towards Lena, waving a hand towards the glasses, wordlessly asking if Lena wanted one as well. 

Lena shrugged and Alex poured her a full glass before bringing it over. 

They sat in silence for a moment, sipping on the expensive alcohol before Alex spoke. 

“You still got any cigarettes hidden around here?” She asked Lena. Not what Lena had expected but she nodded her head anyways, reaching into the drawer to her left and pulling two out. Getting up she jerked her head towards the balcony and Alex followed behind her. 

Lighting both cigarettes at the same time, (smoking was a shameful habit from college, sometimes a crutch she relied on when she was beyond stressed – something she and Alex had in common), she handed one to Alex. After a long pull, Alex sighed. 

“How is she Alex?” Lena finally broke the silence with the only question she could think of as to the behavior of the woman beside her. She and Alex had always had a kind of understanding as to how they “handled” things. 

This wasn’t just a work problem or Supergirl problem, it was a Kara problem. 

“Bad. You saw her, so you know her body is healed. From what I can tell all of her powers are back too. But she still isn’t good. She’s always been good at picking herself up after something happens, or at least shoving it aside to deal with later, when she’s alone. Whatever’s going on now though is different.” Alex leaned over the balcony, tipping the ash off the end of her cigarette. Sighing again she turned towards Lena, her eyebrow furrowed. 

“It’s like, whatever happened, that caused her to be so damn stupid in that fight – she had fought aliens like that before! No problem! She’s fought much more dangerous things – but whatever was going on with her, has been going on with her, she just…..” Alex stopped again closing her eyes tightly. 

Usually, when people spoke this haltingly to Lena, she had little to no tolerance. Now, however, she just took a large swig of her drink and waited. 

“I know you know about her so I’m just gonna talk.” Alex said, eyes boring into Lena’s. Lena just nodded. 

“When Clark dropped her off with us, leaving her on a new planet after being trapped in space for too fucking long with absolute strangers, she was so quiet. Purposeless. Her purpose had grown up and left her alone, you know?” Lena nodded to encourage Alex to continue despite having no idea what that meant. 

“Anyways. She was so sad. Obviously her planet was gone, almost her entire family, and now she was stuck with these new powers and told to never use them. I wasn’t great about it either. But eventually, that hollowness left her eyes and that giddiness and excitement she’s always got going on replaced it.” Alex dropped the stub of her cigarette and stomped it out, before knocking back the rest of her scotch. 

“Now? It’s not the same, obviously she didn’t lose her entire family again but her fucking eyes, man. They’re lifeless in a way close to that I guess. I haven’t seen it in forever.” Alex slumped down against her own arms on the railing. 

It was quiet for a while before Lena spoke. 

“Are you here to accuse me of something Alex?” She asked patiently, quietly. It wasn’t cold, or haughty. She deserved whatever wrath Kara’s sister intended to bring down on her, as she was the cause of this pain for the two sisters. 

She’s surprised when Alex’s head jerks up, confusion visible across every line of her face. 

“No? Should I be?” 

Lena stays silent, turning her eyes to look out over the cityscape. She hears a huff from Alex, followed by a bitter and sad laugh. 

“Yeah. She won’t answer any questions I ask either. I guess I’m never going to know am I?” At the utterly defeated sound in Alex’s voice, Lena turns back towards her. 

“She’s not talking to you?” She asked, somewhat alarmed. Kara always talked to Alex, eventually. 

“She’s not really talking at all, Lena. She’s brooding like I’ve never seen. She’ll answer basic questions with a word or two and then, it’s back to the silence. She eats and sleeps. That’s about it.’ Alex runs her finger up across the lip of her glass once as she talks, and Lena feels her heart begin to hammer in her chest again. 

“Alex, why are you telling me any of this? You obviously …… know something happened between Kara and I.” 

“Yeah I know. But I still thought you should know. How she is.” Alex stayed facing forward, side eyeing Lena before she shrugged. 

They stand on the balcony for moment longer before Lena speaks. 

“Well, ok then.” She pauses for a moment before turning towards her office. “Do you want another drink?” She asks, and when Alex nods her head, the two women head back inside.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little switch in POV for the first section of this chapter. I like to think Alex knows whatever happened was bad but she’s desperate for any kind of fix for Kara, which is why there’s the uneasy peace between she and Lena. 
> 
> I didn’t think to add any warnings for this story, but I think obviously both Lena and Kara are struggling with depression/despair in very different ways, human ways.

Kara was sitting in a chair, looking at nothing again. Alex was honestly trying not to get pissed about it – it had been a few days since she had woken up and usually, Kara cried out whatever she was upset about and went on living. 

It was getting absolutely ridiculous how she and Lena were acting. Both of them were absolute and utter fools, hurting each other so mercilessly. She was sure whatever Lena had said to Kara when Kara confessed how she felt had been borderline cruel. 

She was also sure that the way Lena had found out that Kara was Supergirl, from Lex and not from Kara, was beyond any measure of cruel she could fathom. Kara should have just told her, but, well that chance had come and gone. 

A small, tiny, quiet part of herself couldn’t help think that at least Lena was keeping on with her life, even if she looked like the walking dead with her sunken in eyes and paler than usual skin. She had killed her own brother out of a necessity that had been long overdue, and found out that her best friend, or lover, or whatever these two were to each other, had been lying to her since the moment they met. 

She took another look at Kara, who had once again nonverbally declined helping with a fire in the city, sending J’onn instead and rolled her eyes. 

Pulling out her phone she sent off a quick text before making her way slowly towards Kara. 

Fucking idiots, the both of them. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Lena had been across the city on her way to an event when her phone had gone off in her pocket. Pulling it out she read the text from Alex telling her, not asking her, to come to the DEO when she had a moment.

Chewing on her lip she watched the rain hitting the windows of her town car before she made the choice to skip the event and head towards the agency building. 

“Can you turn around please and head towards this address?” She handed her phone with the address on the screen to her driver and he nodded, making a U-Turn at the next light. 

~~~~~~~~~~

She had her driver drop her off down the block, opting to walk the rest of the way towards the DEO in the light rain. 

When she got there and was let in, she took off her trench coat, shaking it lightly to get rid of the water that had accumulated on it. Draping it over her arm she slowly made her way deeper into the building, stopping when her eyes fell on Kara and Alex.

Kara was sitting in a chair, Alex knelt in front of her, quietly talking. Kara nodded sometimes, but otherwise looked about as engaged in the conversation with Alex as she had been when Lena had spoken to her unconscious form. 

If things had been different she would have walked up to that chair grabbed Kara by the hand, yanking her up into a firm hug.

But, things weren’t different. They were what they were. 

She chose to carefully approach instead, her heels clicking on the floor loud enough that Alex glanced her way. She wasn’t sure if her arrival at this moment was what Alex had intended, but it’s what she got regardless. 

Kara seemed to notice Alex had looked away from her face and followed her sister’s eyeline to where it had landed on Lena. She suddenly became stock still, watching as Lena pressed forward towards the sisters, despite everything inside her screaming that she should just leave. 

When Lena’s eyes finally met Kara’s when she was a few feet away, Lena could swear she saw a slight flicker of life crackle across the striking blue. 

She finally came to stand still, watching as Alex stood slowly. Kara’s eyes never left where Lena stood. Lena looked towards Alex whose only greeting was to raise an eyebrow and jerk her head in an obvious manner towards Kara. 

Sighing Lena did what she yearned to do anyways, grabbing Kara’s hand and yanking the surprised woman to her feet. 

“I think we need to talk.” Lena said, watching as Kara nodded, dropping her hand. 

“You can use that room over there.” Alex pointed to a darkened room off to the side and Lena nodded making her way towards the door, Kara close behind. 

She flicked the lights on as she heard Kara click the door shut behind them lightly. The room was a standard meeting room, with a long table and chairs. A counter ran across the back of the room, with a coffee pot and the various things one would need to make coffee. Lena walked towards it, hefting the pot out and turning on the sink. 

She could feel Kara’s eyes on her back as she went about making the coffee, only stopping once she heard the gurgling sounds that told her it was on its blessed way. She always loved a cup of coffee, but at this point her fiddling was really a way to delay whatever she and Kara were about to say to one another. 

She was still busying her hands pulling out paper cups when Kara spoke. 

“I know everything thinks I was…. that I blew my powers out on purpose or something.” Kara said quietly. Lena’s hands stilled and her heart beat in her throat. 

“I wasn’t trying to die Lena.” At that, Lena slowly turned around and faced Kara. 

Kara was sitting in one of the chairs that went around the edge of the table, arms crossed over her chest, staring at the wall behind Lena. 

“What were you trying to do then?” Lena finally asked, as quietly as Kara had spoken. 

Kara sighed, a deep shuddering and shaky thing, and Lena forgot all about the coffee she had wanted moments before. 

“I was angry. And sad. And upset. I went into that fight already having lost control.” Kara said finally looking at Lena. 

“The hole in the wall of my office…. Your eyes.” Lena whispered, leaning back on the counter behind her. 

“Yeah.” Kara nodded, swallowing thickly. “It meant that when I got there I unleashed everything I had in a dumb, stupid way and I was more than just reckless, I wasn’t thinking. I usually have some control, even in the worst fights I have control. But my mind was reeling, you know? I was so mad, I almost left the fight and just flew back to your office - to do what, I don’t know - but the alien I fought took the brunt of it. They have this armor that’s hard to penetrate – I’ve done it before – but it’s immune to my heat vision and I just emptied my rage on it.” 

“And that can happen?” Lena asks, truly intrigued about what Kara was telling her. She watched as Kara’s eyes flickered to her own for a moment, before turning down towards the table. 

“Yeah. It’s like I use up all my energy too much and too fast. Only this time, I had a mad as hell alien that took advantage. I saw the footage. It wasn’t great. I had a lot of broken bones by the time I got back here. It takes time after that happens for me to heal.” She sighed again, leaning back in her chair. 

“I came here, while you were unconscious. You were healed but you weren’t awake.” Lena said, trying to keep any bitterness or anger out of her tone. 

Kara’s cheeks flushed, slightly. 

“I hadn’t really been sleeping well for a while. I guess my body took advantage of being hurt and needing to heal? I don’t know, Alex is trying to figure it out but I think that’s what happened.” 

Not sleeping, because of Lena. She quickly turned back around and poured herself a bitter cup of black coffee. She took a sip and cringed at the burning on her tongue. 

“Lena.” Kara’s voice is soft, softer than before, and Lena gathers up her courage to face her again. 

The look on Kara’s face is sad, beyond anything she’s seen in the recent weeks. It’s like she knows she’s already lost any fight they may have in this room. She’s resigned to what’s happened between them. 

“It – I wasn’t on a date that day you saw me at that restaurant. I was at a job interview. For a paper in a different city.” Kara finally gets out, her eyes not meeting Lena’s. 

“You were going to leave?” Lena almost snaps at her, but reigns it back in, trying, trying so desperately to make this conversation different from the last two they had. 

Kara just nods, finally raising her eyes, blue resting on green. 

“I meant to tell you, you know. I didn’t, for so long because it changes things.” Kara stands up and starts pacing, Lena following her every movement. “When people know, it changes how they are. Even if they don’t mean for it to, it just does. I don’t get to be the me that I want to be anymore, I shift into something else. I’m not Kara anymore, I’m a hero, or I’m an alien, or I’m this idea about how the world should be. I was selfish in not telling you, because I could just be me with you, you know?” 

Lena’s heart is painful in her chest. Kara looks at her, not with hope, but with that same resignation from earlier. Her words have a sadness to them. This isn’t Kara trying to ask for Lena’s forgiveness. It feels darkly like a final goodbye, trying desperately to patch up whatever can be patched before they part ways. 

Lena’s hands shake at that thought. Before she can speak, Kara begins talking again, her eyes zeroing in on Lena’s shaking hands. 

“But things between us already changed, didn’t they Lena? The very moment you found out.” There are tears in Kara’s eyes now, but she seems to be fighting them, her jaw set in a harsh line. 

“Yes, Kara. Things did change. Not because I found out, but because of how I did.” Lena watches as Kara flinches, no doubt thinking of Lena shooting Lex, something that despite his dark path was painful to do. 

“So, who are you really, Kara?” She asks, sitting gently in one of the chairs in front of her, coffee long forgotten. She patiently laced her own hands together, setting them down on the table, waiting. 

“What do you mean?” Kara’s brows quirk in confusion. 

“You maintained two separate relationships with me, Kara. Which one of you fell in love with me? Was it Kara Danvers, reporter, or Supergirl, hero?” It’s not exactly what they should be talking about now – but it’s something that’s been eating at her for months. 

Kara shakes her head, taking in Lena’s question. 

“Neither. Or Both? It’s hard to explain.” 

“That’s a cop out Kara.” Lena’s voice takes a slight bite in its tone, which Kara notices immediately. 

“No, no it’s not Lena. Because I’m both of those people but I’m also not. Kara Zor-El is who you get when you put both of those pieces together. That’s who fell in love with you.” 

The earnestness with which Kara says it makes Lena listen, chewing over the words. She is careful when she speaks to not let her emotions get the best of her. 

“It’s not fair, for me to have fallen in love with Kara Danvers, but to be loved by Kara Zor-El, someone I don’t know. I deserved to know. A long time ago. You and I both knew what was happening, and you still hid yourself from me.” 

And there it was. The root of the anger. They both knew the path they were headed down, with the longer than normal touches, the smiles and shared looks. The dinners and lunches, the nights spent between just the two of them, each one wondering if tonight was the night something would finally happen. 

Lena had opened herself up in a way she never had before, she had felt so sure it was right with Kara, and that when they got there it would be worth the long wait. She knew Kara loved her, that she hadn’t been lying about that, but where Lena had opened herself up, Kara had hid away something so vitally important that it left a crater of space between what they were and what they could have been. 

Even if her reasoning made a bit of sense to Lena, that didn’t stop it from hurting like absolute, earth shattering hell. 

Both women had tears in their eyes now, silence overtaking them as they sat in the room at the DEO. 

Finally Lena stood up, straightening out her dress that she had worn for the long forgotten event she had been meant to attend. Making her way towards the door she paused when she reached it, her hand covering the handle. 

“We can talk again, if you want. I don’t know when – not for a little while I think. But if you want us to, we can. I know there’s a lot I said that I didn’t mean that I need to apologize for. I just need some time, Kara.” She says over her shoulder. 

When she sees Kara nod, the tears in her eyes finally welling over, she quietly opened the door, making her way back into the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously my versions of Lena and Kara are slightly OOC and Alex probably too. Hope you all enjoy!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Well this story is almost done, just one more chapter to go. It’s going to become a series of its own, there will be follow ups, whether as one shots or entire works, I’m not sure yet.

It was a few days later when Lena saw the headline on the news. 

**“Supergirl Returns!”**

She watched as Kara helped a family escape their burning home, a cat cuddled to her chest as she delicately handed it to the little girl who smiled up at her. 

Kara returned the smile, but Lena noticed it was slightly strained. Only the people who really knew Kara would be able to tell, but it made Lena’s stomach clinch nonetheless. 

She doesn’t know why her reaction to that strained smile is to get in her town car and bark out an address she had been trying to forget, but it is. 

Months ago a DEO official had handed the address to her on a slip of paper, after she had been pardoned for killing Lex. He had been buried in a grave far out of town, the grave unmarked and monitored by the agency, should any overzealous fans decide to dig him up and do god knows what with his body. 

Leaving the car and her driver idling behind her once they arrived some time later, Lena slowly made her way to the place where there was a plain gravestone, the plot surrounded by a fence she was sure protected the area in a way her eyes couldn’t quite make out. 

When she finally reached it, she stood, arms wrapped around herself staring at the spot where Lex lay. There were no flowers, no recognition beyond the grey stone that this was someone’s final resting place. 

For a man so cocksure of his vast importance in the world when he had been alive, he seemed to mean very little in death. 

She doesn’t know what prompts her to start speaking to the grave and into the nothingness surrounding her, but she does anyways, her voice frail and wavering. 

“I never thought I would come here. There was a time, many years ago, when your death would have devastated me, but I think I mourned the loss of you a long time ago, when the Lex I knew and loved was overtaken by what you became, in the end. I’ll always miss that version of you, but he was long dead by the time I actually killed you.” She laughs, humorlessly at the words. 

She had killed Lex, but she hadn’t regretted it. Her Lex had been long gone by then. 

“You know, I think I’ve done what you could never do. I didn’t do it because I’m a xenophobe or because I’m evil or villainous. But I broke her, I broke her spirit. She – she broke mine first but I was determined to take her down with me, to the depths you were so certain I was made to dwell in. Maybe I am a true Luthor after all. I’m guessing that was your intent, in showing me the little home video you made.” 

She falls silent after her confession to her brother, watching as the leaves that scattered the ground began to blow in the wind. 

“You were a real bastard, Lex.” 

She turns to leave then, her resolve to not follow down her brothers path filling her with each step she takes. 

~~~~~~~~~

She ends up, of all places, at Kara’s apartment. It’s late by the time her driver pulls up at the address she must have given him in a moment she barely remembers and she watches as her feet lead her right up to the door. 

She doesn’t even know if Kara is home, she’s not sure she wants to find out really, so instead of knocking she leans back on the wall of the hallway and slides down till she’s sitting there. 

She sits for a minute in silence wondering if she should just go when she hears the loud crashing of a plate inside. 

So, Kara is home. Lena still isn’t ready to face her, to face the many difficult conversations they have yet to have. Instead, knowing Kara can hear her, she just starts to talk. 

“I visited Lex’s grave today. I’m the only one besides some DEO agents who even know where it is. I hadn’t gone since he died, and I didn’t go to the little service that was held. As far as I know, no one did. Not that any of that matters.” She strains to hear any movement behind the door to her immediate left, and when she hears nothing but silence she continues. 

“I wonder, you know, if anyone will go to my funeral, when it happens one day. I’m guessing that you’ll probably outlive me by quite some time, so maybe you’ll go. Or maybe not, given how I’ve treated you these past months.” She chuckles sardonically at that thought. It would take something beyond what she can imagine to keep Kara from grieving her death, she at least knows that. 

“We’ve done a good job, you and I, absolutely fucking this thing between us up, haven’t we?” She lays her head back on the wall behind her, sighing at the tears she feels building in her eyes. 

She’s quiet for a long time before the door next to her slowly opens. Looking up she sees Kara, eyes rimmed with red, looking down at her. 

“I’ll go to your funeral Lena, but only if you promise it won’t be happening for a really, really, ridiculously long time.” 

Lena stares at Kara for a moment. 

“Does that mean your days of trying to get yourself killed are behind us?” 

Kara makes a clicking sound with her teeth before reaching a hand out to pull Lena up. She accepts it, suddenly standing very, very close to the woman in front of her. 

Kara doesn’t drop her hand but squeezes it lightly as she holds on and Lena lets her. 

“I wasn’t – Lena I lost control, and acted like an absolute reckless moron, but I’m not suicidal. I wasn’t then either. I told you what happened, I was just........ stupid.” 

Lena nods, and squeezes Kara’s hand back. When she doesn’t speak, Kara takes control of the conversation. 

“Maybe we can fix this thing we fucked up? If you want to, that is.” She looks hopeful, and Lena, for the first time since she was so cold and indifferent towards Kara in her office so long ago feels warmth return in her chest. 

“I do.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is, the end of this portion of the story. I plan to continue down this route with some more linked stories, but as for this part of the journey, this wraps it up. I hope you enjoy the Epilogue! 
> 
> I'm guessing the "sequel" to this story should be up in around a week or so!

They had been working, fairly tirelessly, at repairing what had broken between them. 

It started with the occasional meet up for coffee, or at a park bench in the city. Those talks were hard - hard on both of them, and often left Lena drained emotionally and somehow exhausted physically. 

She had said things in the heat of anger she would probably never forgive herself for. Kara, who was the best person she had ever known, was afraid that she wasn’t good enough for Lena – or that Lena thought that - as a direct result of something Lena had said. 

It took a lot of talks about feelings, a lot of reassurances, and a good deal of apologizing on Lena’s part for them to get past that. 

Kara told her it scared her, hurt her, how easily Lena had turned her feelings into an exacting weapon, designed to take her down. 

Truthfully, it scared Lena as well. 

Lena told Kara it turn it scared her how a fight between the two of them – no matter how much of a blowout – had led her to be so careless in something that she should never be careless in doing. 

They both promised to be better, not just to each other, but with themselves. 

Lena made Kara promise that if they didn’t work out, as friends, or as more, she wouldn’t fall apart the same way she had before. No matter the cause, there were people who needed Kara – and there was a world that needed Supergirl. 

Kara made Lena promise to stop numbing herself to the world when she was heartbroken, to not let the coldness she was capable of become who she is, no matter the reasons for doing so. 

After a talk like that, Lena would go home, make herself some hot tea, and sit on her balcony listening to the city beneath her. On some occasions, she would have a glass of wine, because the tea wasn’t quite as biting as she needed. 

Kara confessed to her that she would fly as fast as she could somewhere far from the city, breaking the sound barrier to burn off the excess emotions she had after those long days. 

If it had been anyone but Kara, this effort would have been too much. But this had never been a simple friendship, it had been a light in the darkness of her world that had turned into so much more. If there was a way to fix it, no matter how much pain and work was involved, she would do it. 

Eventually, once some levity had entered into those long talks, Kara began showing back up at Lena’s office, bringing her coffee in the mornings, or lunch in the afternoons. 

They redeveloped their relationship painstakingly, with an honesty that was hard won and necessary for them both. 

Kara initially would panic in that flustered way she used to when there was an emergency, before Lena would look at her with knowing eyes, walking to the balcony and opening it’s doors. Kara would sheepishly strip off her clothes before telling Lena she would see her later. 

Lena would fold Kara’s clothes, and leave them waiting for her return. 

She found a comfort in the fact that Kara almost always came back to her, putting her clothes back on, and resuming her spot on the couch. 

It had taken three long months before they got back to where they had been – Kara barging into Lena’s office, the two talking about everything under the sun, laughing easily with the light touches Lena had initiated one evening as they talked. 

Somewhere along the way the lingering glances and longer than normal (between friends) hugs and touches crept back into their relationship. They were back to playing their old game, wondering who would finally pluck up enough bravery to break the barrier between friendship and more. 

While Lena had moments where she was frustrated with them both for never taking the initiative, she was also beyond happy they were able to be back to anything at all. 

She had almost done it once, after a game night where she had stayed behind with Alex and Kara, cleaning up around the apartment. Kara was laughing, so carefree at how Alex had lost a round of charades and absolutely gone nuclear on everyone in the room, when Lena felt the urge to walk up, grab her and kiss her soundly. 

Her heart must have been racing because Kara looked at her for a long moment, eyes tracing over every inch of her body to try and detect what was wrong. 

Lena lost her nerve at the way Kara’s eyes darkened when they met her own, smiling sheepishly as a blush spread across her face. 

It had been Alex though who had totally ruined the moment, by declaring the two women should just “fuck already” before huffing out the door. 

Lena had laughed when Kara’s reaction had been to break the silverware she held in her hand. 

~~~~~~~

It was three more months before anything really changed. 

Lena was sitting in her office, going over the plans for a new product R&D was developing when Kara walked in, much more quietly than normal. 

“Hey there.” Lena said, smiling as Kara shuffled towards her, nerves apparent. 

“Hey Lena. Can we sit?” 

Lena nodded, gesturing towards the couch, joining Kara on it, their knees almost touching. After a long moment of Kara’s nervous floundering, Lena sighed. 

“Kara? What’s going on?” 

Kara stilled, before opening her curled fist. A flash drive lay inside and she offered it to Lena, who plucked it out of her hand, intrigued. 

“I, uh, know things between us, have gotten better. Normal, almost. But what I want with you, I need you to trust me, you know?” 

Lena nodded. It’s something they’d talked about, how Lena had forgiven Kara but was still working her way back towards fully trusting her. She was close to it, she knew, but was waiting for something to finally click into place in her mind. 

“Well, that’s uh my DEO file. Plus some other things I added in about Krypton and stuff. It’s kind of everything about me, compiled in a little drive. I want you to know it all. No secrets, you know?” Kara’s hands expanded and closed into fists in her lap over and over again. 

“Kara, are you sure about this?” Lena asked, taken by the gesture laid in her hands. 

“Yes. Absolutely. Just, read it over and come over for dinner and a movie tonight? If you still want to that is.” Kara spurted out, as she moved on to playing with her glasses. 

“I’ll be there Kara, I promise.” 

Kara nodded, getting up from the couch, placing a delicate kiss on the top of Lena’s head. She ducked out the door as quietly as she came in, leaving Lena sitting there, the feel of Kara’s lips burning her to the spot. 

A few minutes later she had her personal laptop out, slipping the flash drive in. There was a file titled “Read First” that she clicked on, pulling her legs up underneath her as she settled in. 

“Lena, 

I’d prefer to tell you all of this in person, but I want you to know everything about me and make your choice that way. So maybe this is better. You know my name is Kara Zor-El, and you know I’m not from this planet. You know my home is gone, and everyone from it, besides my cousin, as well. I got these files from Alex – the ones the DEO keeps on me. Weaknesses, enemies, all kinds of stuff is on here. Besides a few select people from work, and my family, no one else knows. I’ve never wanted to tell anyone but you anyways. So, it’s all here. Happy reading, I guess? 

Love, 

Kara.” 

Lena stared for a long moment at the letter on her laptop, before yanking out the flash drive and grabbing her purse. 

~~~~~~~~

Pizzas in hand (because whatever Kara had prepared, she would still probably be hungry), Lena stood waiting outside Kara’s door a little while later. Before she could knock, Kara yanked it open, smiling goofily at Lena’s raised hand. 

“You know, you could at least give me the satisfaction of telling you I’m here.” Lena said with a roll of her eyes as she stepped into the apartment. 

“Why? I know you’re here and I want to see you as soon as possible.” Was Kara’s simple answer and Lena smiled. 

She walked over to the island in the kitchen setting the pizzas down, and turned around to face Kara, who was staring at her in that way she did when it was obvious there was something more between them, as of yet unnamed. 

“I read your letter.” Lena told her and Kara nodded slowly, watching her still. 

“And?” She asked swallowing audibly. 

“And then I decided I don’t want to find out all your secrets from a flash drive. So I came here.” Lena shrugged, fishing in her pocket for the drive, holding it out to Kara. 

“I’d rather you told me organically. I trust that you will. But you should destroy this drive, like now.” Setting the drive down on the island behind her, Kara nodded, a small note of relief on her face. 

“You trust me?” Is all she asks. 

Lena nodded, eyes locked on Kara’s. They stood staring at each other for a long moment then, something settling between them. Finally Kara broke the pregnant silence. 

“That means everything to me Lena.” Kara said in a throaty tone that made Lena shiver. 

“Well you mean everything to me, so.” Lena returned, unconsciously smoothing out the fabric on her stomach. 

Kara’s eyes tracked the movements of her hands for a minute before she took a step towards her. 

“Did I ever tell you what I was going to do, that day we were arguing in your office before we got interrupted?” 

Lena’s heart jumped. 

“After you punched through my wall? No darling you didn’t.” It was a testament that they could talk freely about that confrontation now, they had worked so hard to get to this place. 

“I know you saw my eyes light up for a minute. But what you didn’t see was how I had looked at you – looked beyond that skirt and tight shirt you were wearing. I didn’t meant to – but I did.” Kara was standing a foot away from her now, her eyes flitting between Lena’s lips and further down her chest. 

Lena, for her part was trying to hold it together, but she knew Kara could hear her heart going wild in her chest. 

“What did you see, Kara?” She asked in a breathless tone that made Kara’s hands twitch. 

“I saw you. Or I saw the lace you were wearing underneath that dress. I was so mad at you and I wanted you to shut up, to stop saying those things, and I thought that maybe instead of fighting there was a better way to let my anger out.” 

They were both breathing heavily now, this conversation a new one between the two of them. 

“I felt it too Kara. I remember thinking something was about to happen, and knowing I wouldn’t fight it if it did.” Lena’s voice is husky, her body alive in a way it hadn’t been in a long, long time. 

Kara moved even closer to where Lena was backed up against the island, so close that they were almost touching along their entire bodies. Lena had to lean her head back to make eye contact with Kara, and Kara’s pupils expanded at the sight of her bare neck. 

They breathed heavily in each other’s space for a moment before Lena broke the silence. 

“I wouldn’t fight it right now, either.” 

And like that, whatever had been holding them back from each other for years snapped in two. Kara moved first – one of her hands coming to rest on Lena’s cheek, the other wrapped around her hip as she pulled Lena in tightly. 

Their lips met, in a hungry, desperate way, something they’d wanted for so long finally falling into place. 

Lena brought her hands up to clutch at the front of Kara’s shirt, pulling her as close as she could, while their lips pressed against each other, the heat of the kiss flashing through her entire body. 

When Kara opened her mouth and her tongue darted out to brush the bottom of Lena’s lips, she let out a low moan that came from deep inside her lungs. 

When their tongues finally met, hot and wet, Lena’s hands released the front of Kara’s shirt and moved rapidly into blonde hair, twisting it like she’d always dreamed of doing. 

When they finally broke apart, a string of gloss and saliva between them, Kara rested her forehead against Lena’s and sighed contentedly. Lena brought her hands down to rest of Kara’s neck and shoulders, surprised to find one of Kara’s thighs between her own legs. 

“Lena, I know I’ve told you this before, but I’m like stupid in love with you.” Kara said, her eyes still closed, as she brushed a thumb back and forth over Lena’s cheek. 

“You should show me, Kara.” Is all Lena said, and in a second she’d been picked up by Kara and placed, carefully and lovingly down on the bed in Kara’s bedroom. (Superspeed was handy.) 

Kara hovered over Lena, hands on either side of her head, their lower halves pressed together as the momentous change between them finally slowed them down. 

Lena took her hand and reached above her, using her thumb to trace Kara’s bottom lip slowly. 

“For the record, Kara? I’m like stupid in love with you, too.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometime later, they lay wrapped up together, the sheets and their clothes tossed to the floor and forgotten. Kara’s head lay on Lena’s chest, while Lena ran her fingers through the blonde hair spilling out all around her. 

What had started as something frantic and desperate in the kitchen had turned into something slow and sensual and so full of love Lena had found herself fighting tears. 

They had been quiet for some time now, content to just be in one another’s presence when Kara’s soft, content voice broke the reverie. 

“What are you thinking about?” She asked, not moving from her spot on Lena. 

Lena took a moment to put everything she’d been thinking into words before responding. 

“Just how happy I am that despite our best efforts we managed to get here eventually.” She said, honestly and with a small smile on her face. 

“Me too.” Kara returned as she tightened her hold around Lena’s waist. 

If it hadn’t been for the loud growling of Kara’s stomach at that moment, Lena thought they could have stayed like that forever. Instead she sat up, bringing a willing Kara with her, a laugh escaping her lips. 

“Come on now, Supergirl, you owe me a dinner.” 

Kara’s sheepish smile was one Lena hoped she could draw out of her again, and again, and again.


End file.
